STEADFAST

In my opinion, a winter that lasts only a couple weeks would be sufficient.  Cold enough to require a fire started and snow enough to enjoy the beauty for a day or two…then spring would be welcome.

I’m a southern girl…really southern.  Born and raised south of the equator permanently set my internal thermostat.   Twenty plus years here has done little to change that fact.  It takes me half the summer to thaw before I gear up to do it all over again.

This year I dreaded the long winter for the twins.  They arrived home to us in September and only had a few weeks of nice weather to be outside before the “lock down” began,  reminded every time they stepped outside that they were no longer in Ethiopia.

In classic childlike fashion they’ve adapted well in so many ways.  It was good for everyone, I think.  We had lots of “together” time and the boundaries of the house became their norm.  Home has become very familiar to them.  It’s predictable and consistent…they know what to expect. They have learned the comfort of the routine, the security of the bond called family.

Finally…some sunshine in the last couple days.  We’ve opened the windows and packed up the snow gear.  The birds in the budding trees can’t help but lift one’s spirits.

Yet, I have noticed some obvious struggles in my wee ones.  This change has been hard for them.  I am finding what I have heard from others to be true.  Change is harder for my adopted kiddos than it is for my bios.  All of a sudden everything is different again.  The time we wake up and where we can play.  Sibling’s sports have changed, which in turn affects the boundaries and expectations as outside spectators.  Schedules are different; the people we see are different.

It has triggered an unsettledness in them.  It’s best described as a fluttering…an inability to stick at one thing.  Meron, especially, has almost a panic about her.  The stuttering has returned, the questions have multiplied and the boundaries are being fully tested.  Not in a rebellious sort of way, but instead, one that is begging for the walls of security to be raised high around her.

My heart aches as I am reminded again that change has not always been easy for them.  They have been broadsided by circumstances out of their control. Decisions made without their opinions counting… uprooted into a world they didn’t ask for.

And as happens so often in this fleshing out of adoption, I am struck by how we are so very much the same. We like the predictable, we like the guarantees.  Even us adventurous sorts like stability in the places we most readily find our security.

It’s been a season of change for the big people of the house as well.  One that involves unknowns, unemployment and a boatload of uncertainty.  I have learned that I like variety and change… when I control it.  I like my opinion to be asked before the circumstance plows me over.  I like adventure, if I choose it.

My heart is prone to “flutter”… I have my own expressions of “panic”.  I too, beg for the walls of security to be raised high around me.

I have often prayed Psalm 51:10 for myself, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me”.  Probably tending to focus more on the clean heart than the steadfast one.  So tonight, out of curiosity, I looked up definitions for steadfast and this one caught me.

steadfast adj.  firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment

Oh yes!  That is so what I desire…a steadfast heart.  So now it’s what I am praying for all of us, big and little.  Firmness in my faith, solidity in their attachment process.

Psalm 112:6-8  “Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.  They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.  Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.”

Create in me a steadfast heart, O Lord ... firmly planted, living with purpose, unafraid of bad news. 

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